one time
I absolutely love this.
he told me he liked me and the other one said he loved me and they both held my hand, quite a few held my hand. quite a few said they liked me quite a few said they loved me and i remember one of them, he called when he said he would and and and i met his friends. and the other i met his family and i used to do so many nice things and he used to do so many nice things, but
i
am
still
sleeping
alone.
and when i was with them
all of them
it wasn’t any different.
(the longing)
Two things I loathe, and things like these are really turning into a bitter son of a bitch.
For one, when some tells you “okay DAD” or “okay MOM.” I suggest for people to, I don’t know, go to sleep, or go to class, and they retort with this. I try to let them know that those are the right things to do. But instead I’m just some bitch of a DAD or MOM.
Oh, and then when you see someone who you haven’t seen in a while, and he or she says: “What rock have YOU been living under?” Okay. So just because I don’t see you…just because our paths haven’t crossed, just because I’ve had loads to do, means I’ve been living a hermit-lifestyle. Reasonable, I understand totally the logic.
I was thinking more along the lines of…you know that horrible dread feeling you get? Like maybe when you find out someone just died, or your boyfriend cheated on you or something. Well. What if you could somehow just muster up strength to somehow make that feeling good. Like riding on euphoria…like some feeling of a romantic kiss. Because are those waves of overwhelming feelings THAT different? The good and the bad?
I’m really rambling right now…
I wonder if one could, if in an extremely dire instant, muster up all of his dread, depression, anger, confusion…into some concentration or something, and just make it feel good, and pleasant.
a) that’s a thought I once had
b) I think it actually kinda works. I mean, seriously, there’s times when I just say, fuck it, I’m gonna be happy now and I already feel better. It’s not really like that at all, but I don’t know to say it in another way. Though it’s like that all the time, I have no clue how to tell people shit.
Hi, my name is Tony, and I’ve lost my sense of humor.
Group: Hi Tony!!
(no seriously, I feel like I’m losing my sense of humor..)
“God, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“The bathroom’s right there.”
“Yeah, I know, but I just..I just don’t want to go to the bathroom.”
“Oh come on. It’ll take a minute.”
“No, I don’t want to go to the bathroom.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just don’t want to go to the bathroom! Not the going into the stall, the washing of the hands. Not the physical walking, the time. I just don’t want to go to the bathroom.”
“Well…say that in a day.”
———————————
“What can I do for you?”
“Well doctor. My friend refuses to go to the bathroom.”
