February 2012
1 post
The squirrels outside were frolicking extra spasmodically but now they are asleep.
December 2011
1 post
I just got this sudden ache for thunder.
November 2011
1 post
I am just like everybody who has been born, and everyone who has died, and everyone who has had someone close die. Because I have a broken heart now. And that’s what it means to have a life. Right?
September 2011
1 post
I got something published. I haven’t written anything in the longest time, but something got published, maybe that will revamp me writing. Anyways, here it is. I’m Trevor, by the way. http://www.stanleythewhale.com/StW/
August 2011
3 posts
I realized that mowing the lawn is the time when I think about girls.
I was holding a snickers bar and then felt something on my finger. I thought it was some chocolate, that had leaked through a rip in the wrapper. It tasted gross and I looked and it was a BOOGER. I ate booger
I feel like I’m slipping. I feel like I’m going to fall flat on my face soon. I have been losing who I am lately, the last few weeks I have wanted to be a cook a carpenter a soldier a vagabond a writer, but I haven’t written anything, basically anything but an a college English student, which is what I am, but then I’m not sure. I’m just not sure and I don’t...
July 2011
5 posts
What do I do about seeing a kid who used to be a best friend all the way up until the end of high school, do I see him or not, he has changed so much he has broke into people’s cars and houses and gone to jail and I just don’t know what to do, I remember him from back when but he’s not that now he has a girlfriend that he’s been with so long that maybe he’ll marry...
I was talking with someone who’d been to China, lived there actually, and he was saying something about the bugs. “See, I like the bugs in Minnesota,” he said, “because they land on you and you can feel them. You can just feel them.” I slapped at a mosquito on my shoulder that was biting through my shirt. “Over there,” he said, “they land on you and...
Man, I haven’t sweated so much in a five weeks. Do you want to know why? Because I just ran for the first time in five weeks. Do you want to know why? Because I dislocated my shoulder five weeks ago.
Man, I haven’t taken a shower in five weeks. Do you want to know why? Because I’m disgusting.
I drove past a funeral procession today on the freeway. Cars were weaving in between the procession cars, which all had their hazard lights on, and their little purple flags with “funeral” written on them. I didn’t weave between them. I thought about squeezing into their lane, though, and putting on my hazard lights, and pretending I was in the procession, and taking out my...
May 2011
1 post
I like what this girl in class said the other day about seeing old people, you know, staring off in the distance, completely lost and unfazed, and you go, “okay….” I was doing that the other day. My girlfriend thinks I’m like an old grandpa, and maybe I am, because I stare off at a banana sitting on the desk while I’m doing homework. For days. And I stare at the...
February 2011
4 posts
My dream that I came out of, the one where afterward I found myself in a study room in the library with my head planted sideways on the desk, an ache in my neck (I guess that’s where I fell asleep, I guess that’s where my dream took me to) well, I really felt the darkness in the dream. I really felt like I was in a hole in my subconscious, like I’d jumped into this hole, like the...
Joey says he just about got hit by a car, and I tell him I’ll see to it that next time he really does. There is a torn up check on my desk. I addressed it to the wrong person. There are people giving someone a mohawk in the bathroom. It is one a.m. There is also annoying music playing somewhere in the hall. This is all the kids seem to play.
Oh, and the nurse at the doctor’s said I have “beautiful veins.”
I had a dream last night it was my twenty-first birthday and by six o’clock, nobody had wished me a happy birthday — not my girlfriend, not family, not friends — and I was just waiting for someone to say something, but nobody was saying something. And then a scrawny kid with blond hair, along with his two cronies, he made fun of me while I was walking by myself on campus, and I...
January 2011
1 post
There’s a girl who told me she doesn’t want to go to college. Parents want her to. I see her around, getting a yogurt in the cafeteria, walking to her dorm all bundled up in her coat and scarf, her handbag draped over her shoulder, she’s really cold, she doesn’t want to be here.
December 2010
2 posts
Tonight I stood behind my dog and called to him, “Boji, wanna go for a walk?” He was on his bed, which is right by the window, and his head was resting on the window ledge and he was looking out the window at the snow. He didn’t look at me. I called to him again, “Boji, wanna go for a walk?” but he didn’t flinch. He just looked at the window. I called to him a third time. I called to him a fourth...
I am walking to the library today, and it must be one of those times where you have an encounter with the supreme, you know, in some moment you are able to transcend the normal day to day reality that so often stifles us, and you just see humanity and reality in its naked glory. I was listening to music (that music that makes you think, at that moment, you are in a movie and something really...
October 2010
2 posts
I’m a lousy poet.
I can only write in sneezes. Spurts of diddly-squat that pepper the pages before me.
Or else I sit with bloodshot eyes head sideways on the writing desk, words dribbling from my mind in thick liquid dreams.
Dreams come slowly.
And in gibberish.
I’m a lousy poet.
“And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like...”
– Sandra Cisneros
September 2010
7 posts
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a...”
– Mark Twain
In the locker room I heard people talking. This bitch had a period on my bed last night, he said. Are you serious? Yeah. The bitch. She fucked up. She didn’t even know! Wait, she didn’t know? Yeah, the bitch didn’t even know. She stayed over and then woke me up in the morning and was like, I’m so so so sorry, I’ll get you a new sheets and everything. She fucked up big time. The bitch.
I just ate a peach today. That my mom told me was ripe, told me to eat on my birthday, that was good. I ate a peach that was good today.
Last night I was getting slapped in the face by the wind.
That’s because my bed’s right by the window, and the window’s open. I close my eyes and am just stepping into sleep—a real gentle step—but then a gust comes, a big ol’ gust like the moon’s blowing out a birthday cake that’s hiding somewhere near me. And then the wind reaches out its hand and slaps me in...
I just moved into my college dorm room.
I’m sitting by the window and the wind is blowing in.
It’s got a bite to it. But in a way it’s refreshing.
Consider this an act of resignation.
I hereby assert that I … … … … . . give up.
August 2010
4 posts
I’m sure I look pretty weird coming out of the shower, singing to James Brown—Don’t just say ow, say OW!—tilting back my head and closing my eyes and faking a scream at that OW!, but only being able to open my mouth an inch due to my still recovering wisdom teeth operation.
The days leading up to going back to school have been great. Sleep in (relatively) late, eat a nice breakfast, then read, research obsessively the albums I’m going to buy used from this guy on craigslist, basically do whatever. At six, Seinfeld comes on. Then after that are the Twins games, and I’ve been watching those—half reading. The only thing I haven’t really been...
Right now there is a yellowjacket in the thin space between my window screen and my storm window, in my room.
It’s been there nearly two hours, and every time I see it it is crawling up and down, exhausting all possibilities of finding someway it. It’s like a clock, ticking away tirelessly. But it’s becoming desperate, I can tell-I think.
Every once in a while it loses its grip...
Tonight’s going to be a huge test.
There has been a spider crawling around my room on the wall right next to where I lay my head down to sleep. I see it now in fact. Oh, and it just dropped to the floor there. Now it’s lurking under my bed.
Is this spider going to crawl on my face at the night???
It’s the ultimate test.
I’ve named it Anika, and I hope she doesn’t...
July 2010
9 posts
I’m wishing that I could stay up and listen to the storm in the distance that is certain to roll right through here. But I’m so tired, and sometimes the nature of the mind takes precedent over the nature of the world.
“Nobody sees the point of things until later.”
– Judy Troy
Today I was walking downstairs to take a shower. I only had a towel on, my shorts were in my hand. And then, turning on the staircase, I see one of those huge mosquitoes, the ones where it seems their proboscis would reach your heart if they bit you. It was just hanging out underneath the rail.
And so I took my shorts that were in my hand, and I smacked it. But I never really saw it drop or...
“Everybody is responsible to everyone for everything.”
– Dostoevsky via johncagecale. (via tobia)
Am I the only one? Or are you, the person in the yellow (yellow??) behind the man in white, are you with me? Do you think like I do, or do you only seek frills and maybe even threats of grandiose. My toothbrush broke last night. I think I had used it for about a year. What am I going to do now? Where has all my imagination gone? Where to?
For instance,
I was impregnated with so much
panic at pure joy, my heart rate became
a boulder at the pinpoint
of a hill, falling and rolling and
picking up speed.
On your heels
so close I see your shoulder blades
buried beneath your shirt.
so close—
but your back’s turned
away, and I feel my body
crumble,
my heel, falling apart
and now nothing to put my
weight on.
I seriously mistook someone for a lion the other day.
He was a ways off, and partially obscured by a person in front of him. But still! A lion! A lion!!!
I was separated by my friend last year, because he went to one college, I went to the next. And then when that happened we didn’t talk hardly at all, I guess, and during winter break I saw him only once, for instance.
This is a person I was inseparable from in 9th, 10th grade, you know?
Then one day during spring break we hung out, and while we were in the car he answered his phone from...
June 2010
1 post
wet green grass
in the sun (where you can see all the
droplets of water)
reminds me of that day
when I am playing
with a little blow-up pool
and a sprinkler out
in the yard,
and all of a sudden
despite the sun, it
starts to rain,
and I run toward the house
waving my arms, yelling
mom! mom!
May 2010
4 posts
“We learn, very thoroughly though far less explicitly, to identify ourselves with an equally conventional view of “myself.” For the conventional “self” or “person” is composed mainly of a history consisting of selected memories, and beginning from the moment of parturition. According to convention, I am not simply what I am doing now. I am also what I...
Do you think if you see yourself yawn in the mirror, you will be more apt to yawn later?
A couple of days until summer. I’m excited. I have so many things I am planning to do, so many things. I’m going to start keeping a dream journal again, with the goal of trying to have a lucid dream. I’m going to try and start meditating everyday. Reading 8 books. Writing, writing, writing. Next year I’m going to try and start my own radio show. I’m going to try and...
When I get done clipping my ten little fingers and my ten little toes, I ache to clip more.
April 2010
5 posts
Back in the day I would lock my vault with twenty clams, all of them with perfect, flawless pearls inside of them. I don’t think I could ever hear another noise that reminded me so much of—when does a telephone pole—string together with a synonym of actions? Hello? Hello hello hello. That window over there. That person has been staring at me for over twenty minutes. Twenty minutes. Stop. Pine....
I pretty much hate everyone right now. How do you like that?
I asked someone today…that was walking into the bathroom wearing only his boxers and carrying a towel and shampoo…what he was doing.
Man I’m an idiot.