I like what this girl in class said the other day about seeing old people, you know, staring off in the distance, completely lost and unfazed, and you go, “okay….” I was doing that the other day. My girlfriend thinks I’m like an old grandpa, and maybe I am, because I stare off at a banana sitting on the desk while I’m doing homework. For days. And I stare at the little brown dots, the blemishes where the banana is beginning to go bad. I think (it’s scary to think how this thought entered my mind) of a deer carcass above it, or something, dripping drops of blood onto the banana, only the drops are brown, they stain the peel. Or else it is from a spray of brown paint. And then I see that some of the brown dots are fuzzy, and some are clear, and it reminds me how I’m like a grandpa in another aspect and that is that my eyes are shitty and when I take off my glasses, everything fuzzies up that is two or more feet away, but I like that. I like having the option of not seeing the world clearly if I want to.
My friend, a real oddball, just texted me, “The most weird things happen.” I agree.
I saw a banana under the tire of a parked car. I thought, that car is going to slip and have an accident, because bananas cause you to slip and have accidents. I wrote a story entitled, “Banana Bread for the Neighbors.” I ate a banana in under two minutes. I was watching the movie Babies, and there was a baby eating a banana. Now, I don’t like the stringy things on the flesh of the banana, I always make sure they are off before I eat it. Well, this baby didn’t eat the strings. I also don’t like the tips of the bananas, they are always black and taste like dirt. I always pick them off before I eat my banana. Well, this baby took a bite of the tip, started chewing it, but then spit it out. My girlfriend also thinks I’m like a little baby sometimes, and maybe I am, but I think my shared trait with the baby from Babies regarding bananas merely proves the universality of my taste.
Sometimes in the cafeteria there are big bananas that are about a foot long, and it’s gross.
Sometimes there are little baby bananas, about two inches.
(That’s a lie.)
Sometimes bananas are green, and when they are green, they do not taste good.
Sometimes bananas are black, and when they are black, they are mushy and do not taste good.
Sometimes you see a banana peel, all black, stamped into the grass, literally stuck.
The fact of the matter is, I don’t even know if I like bananas all that much, they leave such a sticky taste in my mouth.
